


Everyone Is Gay Here

by Im_Kuell_Gremlin, TheDragon42



Series: Overwatch Chatfic [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Chaos Ensues, I'm Bad At Tagging, Multi, Tags May Change, Un-beta'd we die like men, almost everyone is gay as well so yay pride, bad language, chatfic, only like 3 characters use proper grammar so, suffer ig?, talon is ok in this one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:29:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24571579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_Kuell_Gremlin/pseuds/Im_Kuell_Gremlin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDragon42/pseuds/TheDragon42
Summary: Hana starts a group chat and chaos ensues. It's kinda makes sense but idk we wrote this over the course of like, months.
Relationships: Aleksandra "Zarya" Zaryanova/Mei-Ling Zhou, Ana Amari/Reinhardt Wilhelm, Emily/Lena "Tracer" Oxton, Fareeha "Pharah" Amari/Angela "Mercy" Ziegler, Genji Shimada/Tekhartha Zenyatta, Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada, Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes/Lúcio Correia dos Santos, Past - Jesse McCree/Elizabeth Caledonia Ashe, Reaper | Gabriel Reyes/Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison, Sombra | Olivia Colomar/Hana "D.Va" Song
Series: Overwatch Chatfic [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776016
Comments: 3
Kudos: 62





	1. it started with a selfie

**Author's Note:**

> Characters in this chapter:  
> Lucio = Lulu  
> Hana = Hana  
> Lena = Tracer  
> Genji = Green ninja boi  
> Jack = Dad76  
> Sombra = I can hack you  
> Brigitte = Brigitte  
> Satya = Symmetra  
> Jamieson = Trash Mouse  
> Zenyatta = Zenzen  
> Mako = Thehog  
> Baptiste = Baptiste  
> Mercy = Magicmercy  
> Pharah = Freebird  
> Reinhardt = Reinhardt  
> Ana = Anamamma  
> Torbjorn = Torbjorb / Beard man  
> McCree = 12PM  
> Hanzo = Handsoap  
> Winston = Peanut butter  
> Echo = Echo
> 
> Hana's selfie drawn by Im_Kuell_Gremlin [here](https://www.deviantart.com/changeling1/art/HANA-SONG-phonebackground-for-a-chatfic-844663089?ga_submit_new=10%3A1591512311)

{6:58am}  
[HANA sent selfie.png]

LUCIO: w...what is that?  
what is this?

HANA: a selfie dummie

LUCIO: why…?

HANA: because i’m cute!

LUCIO: debatable…

HANA: -_-

LUCIO: i’m kidding i’m kidding  
don’t kill me pls

LENA: Hi luvs!  
Wait I gotta change this….

[LENA changed name to TRACER]

TRACER: Hehehehe

LUCIO: Wait… u can do that?!

TRACER: Yeah, nicknames

LUCIO: huh.

[LUCIO changed name to FROG]

FROG: omg  
nice

[HANA changed FROG to LULU]

LULU: Wait what  
How

HANA: ;P admin powersssssss

LULU: :<

GREEN NINJA BOI: sup fuckers

76: Language.

GREEN NINJA BOI: :3

LULU: HA  
SUCK IT

76: Can we be a little more mature please?

HANA: Nope!

: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Hello >:3

LULU: WHOA WHAT

GREEN NINJA BOI: duuuuude  
where’s ur nameee

HANA: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what

TRACER: bot…?

: sorry to tell you, but you’ve been hacked.  
Sorry not sorry

76: Sombra, nice to see you. Tell Reaper to go fuck himself

HANA: ಠ_ಠ

GREEN NINJA BOI: Language!

BRIGETTE: Sombra? Who’s that?

76: Oh, just our resident Talon operative.  
But I don’t think she’s on Talon’s side either, be wary.

LULU: WAIT TALON?! HANA WHY?!

HANA: i did nothing! i think she added herself…

TRACER: wut…  
how….

GREEN NINJA BOI: lol ok sure ;3

76: Can @everyone meet in the common room? I have an announcement.

LULU: Whyyyyyyy it’s like 7am……  
Just tell us in here

SATYA: I’m in the bath. Go away.

JAMIESON: *pictures?*

SATYA: No.

[HANA changed JAMIESON to TRASH MOUSE]

TRASH MOUSE: Thanks!

HANA: that….  
wasn’t a compliment?

THEHOG: lol

LULU: WHO IS EVERYONE AAAAAAAAAA

THEHOG: i’m me

LULU: THAT DOESN’T HELP

TRASH MOUSE: XD

GREEN NINJA BOI: yo can i add master?

: oo kinky~

[ changed name to I CAN HACK YOU]

SATYA: You’re all immature, I’m leaving.

76: I was thinking the same. By the way I’m still standing in the common room.

TRASH MOUSE: no one’s coming mate. I’m in bloody Australia

I CAN HACK YOU: no ur not I can see you

TRASH MOUSE: WHAT HOW! That’s creepy mate

[GREEN NINJA BOI added ZENYATTA]

ZENYATTA: akdjhkjslk  
Slkajdfkhsjklakjlla  
Setzrxudtcfglvihbjovefenvsdkocnuhygtthregtdfhujkiljytfgbvdbghjmkilo  
Oh, um… hi?

LULU: Who the heck is this?

GREEN NINJA BOI: my master, hes a monk. be nice.

I CAN HACK YOU: you realise how bad that sounds, right?

ZENYATTA: What do you mean? I am his master, and he is my student...

GREEN NINJA BOI: . . .

ZENYATTA: Genji, would you like to say something?  
...Please?

GREEN NINJA BOI: I…. uh…. Yes?

[HANA changed ZENYATTA to ZENZEN]

HANA: hello zeny!!!

ZENZEN: Hello Hana ^u^

TRACER: AWW THAT EMOTE IS ADORABLE!!!!

ZENZEN: Emote? 

LULU: the smiley face 

ZENZEN: I was smiling >u<

GREEN NINJA BOI: oh master! is this chat in your programming?

ZENZEN: it is.

GENJI NINJA BOI: so when you actually smile its typed in

LULU: program???!? What?

ZENZEN: I’m an omnic monk, not just a monk ^o^

TRASH MOUSE: omnic. why is a robot here

GENJI NINJA BOI: HEY! 

ZENZEN: Genji calm yourself

LULU:HEY DONT BE A BUT.

HANA: oi! No discrimination

BRIGITTE: uhhhhh

TRASH MOUSE: =_=

ZENZEN: I can understand where your uncertainty comes from, from the war and what happened to your home, but let it be known I’m not here to instil violence or pain.

TRASH MOUSE: i cannot trust a fucking machine. YOU HAVE NO HEART SO DONT TALK LIKE YOU UNDERSTAND!

TRACER: ok luv, bring it back now

TRASH MOUSE: what, i have to be respected lower than a robot???! THAT’S HARDLY FAIR!

THEHOG: Jamison.

ZENZEN: … :<

{8:30am}

BRIGETTE: . . . what happened here, i wasn’t gone for too long

I CAN HACK YOU: well, the junker hates omnics and the monk is an omnic so he blew up about it and threw a tantrum XD

TRASH MOUSE: I DID NOT!!

HANA: lol yes you did

TRASH MOUSE: shuddup >///<

LULU: aw  
that’s cute

TRASH MOUSE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA NO

TRACER: XD

THEHOG: what did you do? He won’t stop making a squeee noise

HANA: how red is his face ??? :p

THEHOG: uhhhhh, red?

HANA: well, i’m with lucio rn and hes pretty red rn

LULU: SHHHHHHH

I CAN HACK YOU: ship it <3

GREEN NINJA BOI: XD

BRIGETTE: lol

SATYA: What’s happening here?  
Also can you all try to use proper grammar.

TRACER: but its so much woooorrrkkkk

[HANA changed SATYA to GRAMMAR NATZI]

GRAMMAR NATZI: Great…

LULU: XD XD XD AHAAAHAHAHAA

GRAMMAR NATZI: Can you please change my name back to Satya.

ZENZEN: Hehe XD

GREEN NINJA BOI: master are you always this emotive?

ZENZEN: Im very expressive genji, i just happened to not have a face to show it :/  
Most omnics use emotes excessively 

HANA: you know you can change your own names, its not permanent

[GRAMMAR NATZI changed name to SYMMETRA]

SYMMETRA: There

TRASH MOUSE: alrighty im back

LULU: heyyy~ 

TRASH MOUSE:...wat….

LULU: cutie ;p

TRASH MOUSE: AND I'M LEAVING AGAIN O///////O

LULU: im only teasingggg, come back!!! XD

HANA: XD XD XD this is so fun to watch

TRACER: agreed

76: ahhh young love

LULU: STFU SHH SH

TRASH MOUSE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAno

HANA: XD

TRACER: XD 

BRIGITTE: LOL omg

I CAN HACK YOU: XD im soooo going to use this is blackmail  
Also ima add an old friend, kinda my ex, but he’s a freedom fighter so you’ll like him

[I CAN HACK YOU added BAPTISTE]

BAPTISTE: hi! How is everyone

76: hey

TRACER: HELLOOOO

HANA: welcome!

BRIGITTE: hiiiii!!

SYMMETRA: Goodmorning.

ZENZEN: Greetings

THEHOG: hi

TRASH MOUSE: heyo

GREEN NINJA BOI: こんにちは  
It means hello in japanese 

LULU: wait blackmail!? o-o  
Also hi!

BAPTISTE: hello, and what do you mean blackmail….?? Sombra what did you do

I CAN HACK YOU: nooothhhhinnggggggg owo

LULU: you’re evillllllll

BAPTISTE: hmmm, more like chaotic neutral, she does what benefits her….

SYMMETRA: You are all chaotic.

HANA: but chaos isn’t evil

SYMMETRA: Harmony is achieved with order.

TRACER: ehhh maybe?

ZENZEN: Harmony is achieved with balance, with too much of one or the other, the scales will tip and  
people will be hurt from it.

SYMMETRA: Well, how about we take the junkers for example, their lives are built on anarchy, and  
look where that got them. In trouble with the law. They are a danger to themselves and  
others.

TRASH MOUSE: HEY! At least we’re having a good ol’ time instead of living out our lives like sheep  
following the herd and wasting our time on earth being miserable by cowering in fear  
of new ideas and waking up each day to just spend it the same as the last and then  
suddenly you’re DEAD! And you’ve achieved Nooothinnngggg

THEHOG: . . .

TRACER: that was oddly profound...?

LULU: wow jamison, im impressed

TRASH MOUSE: i may be a junker but im not completely stupid

SYMMETRA: Then why do you waste your time blowing things up?!

TRASH MOUSE: because I choose to, I enjoy it. If i get stuck at an office job ima off myself then and  
there. Also my life doesn't affect yours so don’t bother me with the harmony bullshit.  
Chaos is what I live for!! FUCKIN EXPLOSIONS MATE

BAPTISTE: you sure are an interesting bunch.

BRIGITTE: you can say that again XD

HANA: i can hear your exasperated sigh from here satya

SYMMETRA: No you can’t! 

76: @everyone, meeting now please. This is about an upcoming issue that we need to prepare for.  
This chat will be handy for keeping in touch when we are far from one another.

TRACER: so we’re gonna be separated from each other ... again?

LULU: we literally just got back together like a week ago!  
ughhhhhhhhhh

76: We’ll discuss it in the hall, now get down here!

BRIGITTE: ok omw

I CAN HACK YOU: well, while the overwatch team do their thing, us other parties are left on our own lol

TRASH MOUSE: you talk weird

THEHOG: play nice. Bye

BAPTISTE: well, bye? XD

{6:23pm}------

[76 added MAGICMERCY, FREE BIRD, RIENHARDT, ANAMAMMA, and TORBJORB]

GREEN NINJA BOI: thats a loooot of people

LULU: dude… 

HANA: hey! i’m the admin!!

76: Everyone else can invite people Hana, I just added the rest of the Overwatch team.

HANA: -_- ok DAD 

[HANA changed 76 to DAD76]

FREE BIRD: lol!

MAGICMERCY: hello everyone

GREEN NINJA BOI: hello dr ziegler

[GREEN NINJA BOI added 12PM]

GREEN NINJA BOI: i added mccree

12PM: sup

HANA: wait… mccree? Hi!!!!!!!

12PM: hey

LULU: hey dude

DAD76: Do we really need another one of you?

12PM: another one of who?

SYMMETRA: A ‘rapscallion’, someone who causes chaos or mayhem.

TRASH MOUSE: DID SOMEONE SAY MAYHEM?!

I CAN HACK YOU: by the way, jamieson’s in the air vents with his phone, his grenade launcher, and nothing else, he’s not even wearing clothes… 

DAD76: You are a disgrace.

SYMMETRA: Degenerate.

HANA: oh shit dad-burn

LULU: how… do you even know that?

I CAN HACK YOU: don’t question my sources.

LULU: ok…(but like can you send a pic?)

TRASH MOUSE: I’M GONNA BLOW YOU ALL UP AHAHAHAHAHHAHHA

SYMMETRA: Please desist. I can hear your laughter and banging from my room.

TRASH MOUSE: oops sorry…

HANA: woah… he apologised … nicely done satay

SYMMETRA: My name is Satya.

LULU: sure thing satan

SYMMETRA: It’s Satya.

GREEN NINJA BOI: ok zarya

ZARYA: Who called?

GREEN NINJA BOI: wait when did you join?

ZARYA: Zarya has always been here.

I CAN HACK YOU: OH SHIT

ZARYA: Ah, the Mexican Bitch.

[I CAN HACK YOU has left the chat]

TRACER: sorry luvs, i had to help mei in the lab. Something exploded  
Ok what happened…

LULU: uhhhhhhh

HANA: ….

GREEN NINJA BOI: nothing….?

[SYMMETRA added HANZO]

HANZO: …  
What is this.  
Why am I here?

12PM: Hey darlin’~

HANZO: Who are you all?

12PM: OH COME ON!!

ANAMAMA: I’m surprised you don’t recognise us. You’ve lived here for a few years after all

HANZO: Is this really what Overwatch has become?

DAD76: Yes… sadly.

GREEN NINJA BOI: suckit nerd

SYMMETRA: I’m with you on this one Hanzo.

HANZO: Give me a moment please.

{8:44pm}

HANA: what the actual fuck is happening out there?!

DAD76: Language.

HANA: fuck off dad.

TRACER: i think hanzo and genji r fighting

LULU: yea i can see it from my room… i think the kitchen’s on fire

REINHARDT: NOT MY COOKIES!!

MEI: I’m working on it Reinhardt, don’t fret, your cookies are fine.

HANA: IS NO-ONE GOING TO MENTION THE FIGHT HAPPENING OUTSIDE?!

LULU: hey @12PM come get popcorn i got a good view

12PM: gimme a sec and sure

ANAMAMA: can i join?

FREE BIRD: @MAGICMERCY join me?

MAGICMERCY: sure~

I CAN HACK YOU: why are you all so gay

[ANAMAMA renamed the chat EVERYONE IS GAY HERE]

SYMMETRA: Really? Ana? Of all people?

ANAMAMA: what? it fits!

FREE BIRD: MOM?! WHY?!

12PM: i think we killed lucio…

LULU: no i’m fine….

12PM: rest assured he’s not, he’s literally pissing himself laughing

LULU: SHUDDUP!!!

TRASH MOUSE: i can hear your laughter from here!

THEHOG: trust me, he’s blushing.

TRASH MOUSE: MAKO I WILL EAT YOUR PHONE!!!

THEHOG: I doubt you could get it from me but you’re welcome to try.

TRASH MOUSE: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

HANA: I cAn’T eVeN!!

12PM: how long that take you to type?

HANA: like… a minute…..

12PM: lol

TRACER: something’s wrong with the kitchen…. It’s gotten worse….

MEI: THE FRIDGE IS ON FIRE  
HOW?!

TORBJORB: Are you alright?

GREEN NINJA BOI: HE RIPPED OFF MY ARM!!

REINHARDT: EVERYTHING IS NOT ALRIGHT

ZENZEN: …  
I’m finding it difficult to meditate with this CHAOS

TRACER: ok… i think the kitchen is ok now… but… genji… is not…

GREEN NINJA BOI: ow…  
i cant feel my legs…

HANZO: You’re a cyborg.

GREEN NINJA BOI: oh yea…

MAGICMERCY: do I need to open the medbay?

HANZO: no

GREEN NINJA BOI: yes!

LULU: yeshh

ZENZEN: Are you alright my student?! Should i come help?

GREEN NINJA BOI: I should be ok with Mercy helping me

ZENZEN: Alright…o-o

MEI: ANGELA THERE IS BLOOD IN THE KITCHEN AND PIECES OF GENJI EVERYWHERE

MAGICMERCY: ok i'm coming down right now, hanzo if you lay one more finger on genji i will saw it off and reattach it to your ass

GREEN NINJA BOI: OOHHHHH, run hanzo!!!!

LULU: o0o

TRACER: OHHHH DAMN

HANA: looooooool XD

HANZO: -_-

FREE BIRD: xD

[SYMMETRA added WINSTON]

WINSTON: Hello!

[HANA changed WINSTON to PEANUT BUTTER]

PEANUT BUTTER: … Why?

TRACER: WINSTON!!!

LULU: _are we going to ignore hanzo and mercy rn?_

I CAN HACK YOU: yes.

FREE BIRD: I would worry, she’s a doctor after all.

LULU: that’s why i’m worried

DAD76: How did you do that text?

LULU: what? you mean _this_?

DAD76: Yes. The italicised text.

HANA: oooo slanty

LULU: _a magician never reveals his secrets_

WINSTON: I can hear crashing outside my room. Would someone explain please?

ZENZEN: My student and his brother fought, Dr. Ziegler threatened Hanzo and now they are fighting. I  
am currently assisting Genji alongside Mei and Lucio.  
**It would be helpful if you stopped messaging @LULU**

LULU: sorry….

HANA: oh damn

TRACER: rip

ANAMAMA: rip

TORBJORB: ha rip

RIENHARDT: WHAT IS RIP?

BRIGETTE: it means rest in peace

RIENHARDT: BUT HE’S NOT DEAD IS HE?!

ANAMAMA: It’s a saying my sweet.

REINHARDT: Oh, thank you my dear.

FREE BIRD: MOM THAT’S GROSS

BRIGETTE: ewww

ANAMAMA: Not as gross as you and Dr. Zeigler.

FREE BIRD: MOOMMMMMM!!!!!

TRASH MOUSE: It’s mum!

FREE BIRD: What no.

THEHOG: well, in Australia it is

FREE BIRD: we’re not in australia but ok i guess??

TRASH MOUSE: but WE ARE australian!

DAD76: Kids. Stop fighting.

HANA: DADDDDD :<

DAD76: I’m not your father.

12PM: now can someone explain why hanzo is on the roof?  
Also why is mercy holding genji’s arm…..  
What’d i miss?

HANA: idk

LULU: hanzo and genji had a fight, genji got ripped to bits and now mercy is fighting hanzo

ZENZEN: **STOP!!! TEXTING!!! AND HELP!!!**  
You’re the only other healer here. Apart from Ana of course.

12PM: well damn o-o

BRIGETTE: what about mee??

DAD76: you’re more of a tank

BRIGETTE: =_=  
Call me a tank again and you’ll regret it!

TORBJORB: tank or no you do a good job sweetheart

BRIGETTE: thanks dad

TORBJORB: why is my name that

TRACER: lol, i can change it for you if you like?

TORBJORB: yes please

[TRACER changed TORBJORB to BEARDMAN]

BEARDMAN: …

[BASTION joined the server]

BASTION: .... . .-.. .-.. ---

TRASH MOUSE:...wut…

TRACER: hi? Torb who’s this?

BEARDMAN: the last bastion unit i’m aware of. i found it a while back and decided to fix it up  
it was kinda banged up from the omnic war so i had to rework it  
i guess this means it works tho?  
ANYWAY they are bored so keep them entertained. bye.

GREEN NINJA BOI: did he just speak in morse code…?

BASTION: :]

BASTION: <https://morsecode.world/international/translator.html>

BRIGETTE: XD he sent a translator 

BASTION: [waving gif]

TRACER: well hello! XD nice to meet you

FREE BIRD: salutations!!

ZENZEN: ah greetings friend! 

BASTION: -. .. -.-. . / - --- / -- . . - / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-.. .-.. :D

ZENZEN: nice to meet you too ^-^ 

GREEN NINJA BOI: master do you understand morse code?

ZENZEN: yes easily, morse code has multiple forms, text, sound, light.  
It’s hardwired in an omnic to recognise it. i'm guessing bastion doesn't have a text output so they're using morse code. They could also use binary if they wished.

GREEN NINJA BOI: huh, cool

BREGETTE. Ooo

TRASH MOUSE: really. Another one =_=

BASTION: :,(

LULU: aw now look what you did! they’re sad :<

TRASH MOUSE: what?! But its a machine!

LULU: no they are not just a machine!  
JAMISON I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL HURT YOU IF YOU DONT STOP BEING A DICK! WHAT WOULD YOUR LIFE BE LIKE IF PEOPLE HATED YOU JUST FOR EXISTING, EVEN WHEN DOING NOTHING WRONG

TRASH MOUSE: that is my entire existence mate! And you cant tell me how to live my own fucking life!

TRACER: woah guys how about we calm down! A bit please.

LULU: no i cant but that doesn't mean i'm going to let you ruin someone else’s.  
and yes i think omnics are people! we created them in our image, this was obviously going to happen from the beginning. and if we keep backing them into a corner of course they are going to retaliate! that’s one sign of independent thinking! fear! they are afraid! and if you dont learn, rat, im not going to talk to you. ever. again. good bye.

[LULU left the chat]

ZENZEN: Oh dear… should I go talk to him?

HANA: yeah probably.

BRIGETTE: jamison, i think you should leave.

BASTION: .. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- :(

ZENZEN: Bastion you have nothing to be sorry for! It’s not something you can control, just give them  
some time to calm down.

ANAMAMMA: dear it’s not something you should worry about, just remember to be you and not let other people tell you what you can and can’t be.

HANA: i second that

12PM: yesh... this place just blew up

TRACER: we’re here for you if u need to talk love

GREEN NINJA BOI: hey guys… uh… so not to bring more bad news but the kitchen is burnt from our…  
scuffle… reinhardt is really sad too… his food is all burnt. and i think mercy is  
going to murder my brother

HANZO: I think you underestimate my strength Genji.

FREE BIRD: no if mercy gets an idea in her head she sticks with it until she gets it done… she’s done  
all-nighters more often than you think

12pm: keep trying han and you might get sedated. and she can keep you in a coma.

HANA: honestly really scared of mercy rn…

TRACER: who isn’t?

FREE BIRD: han? oooooo hanzo you have a pet name!!!!!

HANZO: No I do not. McCree we talked about this.

12PM: shhhhhhhh, relax hanhan ;>

TRACER: omg hanhan thats so cute

HANZO: If you don’t stop I’ll leave.

[GREEN NINJA BOI changed HANZO to HANDSOAP] 

[HANDSOAP left the chat]

BASTION: XD

GREEN NINJA BOI: aww :<

TRACER: i swear that man has no sense of humor.

12pm: im gonna spam him to come back XD, i’ll send a screenshot ina sec

HANA: omg do it

FREE BIRD: yessssss

[12PM sent screenshot.jpg]  
  


BRIGETTE: mcree charge your phone!

DAD76: The hell happened here! I can’t leave you alone for five god damn minutes!

HANA: sorry dad...

DAD76: I’m not your dad but, apology accepted.

MEI: um can someone help me. Winston is stuck in the viewing room of the training center.

TRACER: wait what why

MEI: mercy’s out here hunting out hanzo. we’re terrified, also i think she has the keys

TRACER: i’ll see what i can do….

I CAN HACK YOU: you guys realise i can open the door right?  
cuz i can open the door

HANA: wait since when were you here?

I CAN HACK YOU: been here all along

GREEN NINJA BOI: thats creepy as fuck

PEANUT BUTTER: gosh. Im out now. What happened with all the arguing before, is lucio ok?

ZENZEN: im working on it

ZARYA: watch yourself cyber bug

I CAN HACK YOU: XP

ZENZEN: @TRASH MOUSE could you come here please, no weapons.

TRASH MOUSE: fine

TRACER: WINSTON! 

PEANUT BUTTER: what?!??!

TRACER: can u get surveillance on lucio’s room? i wanna see whats happening

PEANUT BUTTER: erm… i can? I’m not sure how happy they’ll be to know we are watching…

HANA: just doooo it!!!!

PEANUT BUTTER: >X<

GREEN NINJA BOI: what do you want for exchange?

MEI: i can make boba! 

PEANUT BUTTER: mmmmm…. Okay…

LOADLOG  
sharing = true  
load(log_22_7)  
videoaccess = true  
[INFO] 10% loaded  
[INFO] 20% loaded  
[INFO] 50% loaded  
[WARN] Load 120ms behind, skipping 52ms to catch up  
[INFO] 100% loaded  
[INFO] Video fully loaded  
[VIDEO] Sent as imbed

[ [VIDEO] ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24622279)

TRACER: ooooooooh damn!

GREEN NINJA BOI: well thats a screaming match if i’ve ever heard one

MEI: well, zenyatta seems to be handling it pretty well

I CAN HACK YOU: HA its like couples counseling XD

BRIGITTE: i feel like im intruding o//o

MAGICMERCY: i swear if they kiss im going to gag

FREE BIRD: LESSBIANS RISE UP!!!

TRACER: WOOOO!

12PM: Yeehaw

TRACER: mcreeeee your not a lessbiannn

12PM: shhhhhh

SYMMETRA: Why is everyone spying on a conversation that is not our business?!  
What is wrong with all of you…

I CAN HACK YOU: XP

PEANUT BUTTER: That's a lot of yelling… :/

HANA: damn, never seen lucio so angry before

MEI: i feel like i walked in on someone and they haven’t noticed…

FREEBIRD: zen is so just DONE WITH THEIR SHIT XD

{HANZO joined the chat}  
{12PM changes HANZO to HANDSOAP}

HANDSOAP: fuck… YOU.

12PM: you’re welcome to ;3

HANA: uh…. please keep the gay away for now

HANDSOAP: i hate all of you

12PM: You know you love me ~ <3

HANDSOAP: no

12PM: :<

HANDSOAP: >:[

TRACER: GET A ROOOOOOOM

HANA: can we focus back on what’s at hand please?  
they’re still yelling...

MAGICMERCY: this is like a reality tv show

TRACER: dude you’re not wrong tho

12PM: well damn

I CAN HACK YOU: guys shut up.

PEANUT BUTTER: i really hope they don’t start hitting each other.

HANA: dude chill they’ll be fine  
hopefully...

MEI: speaking of hitting @GREENNINJABOI are you ok?

GREEN NINJA BOI: yeah i’m fine mercy’s patching me up :>

MEI: oh good

MAGICMERCY: hanzo.

HANDSOAP: what?

MAGICMERCY: apology?

HANDSOAP: no.

MAGICMERCY: fine. No more healing for you

12PM: c’mon hanhan

HANDSOAP: . . . fine  
sorry.

GREEN NINJA BOI: thank you, brother...

ZENZEN: I’ve tried my best. It’s up to them for now.  
Spying is not really appreciated by the way.

PEANUT BUTTER: Ah… sorry about that

SYMMETRA: I tried to stop them

I CAN HACK YOU: you really didn’t

HANA: and you failed as well lol

FREEBIRD: hey anyone want to go get tea with me?

MAGICMERCY: :>>>> yes pls

MEI: ooo tea yes please!

BRIGETTE: sure, papa would you join me

THEHOG: boba?

FREEBIRD: I mean if you want?

BEARDMAN: i’d love to

FREEBIRD: how about we meet in the common area in 10?

DAD76: C’mon guys. It’s late. Go to sleep.

FREEBIRD: mmmm no. tea.

MEI: sleepy tea

BRIGETTE: o yes

PEANUT BUTTER: would someone get me a coffee?

HANA: dude it’s 9:30pm hell no

TRACER: how long has it been since you’ve slept??

PEANUT BUTTER: uh… 72? No 73 hours? I’m doing important things.

DAD76: Get some sleep, the work can wait.

PEANUT BUTTER: No no it’s almost done I promise!

12PM: ima stay up till midnight WOOOO ITS HIGH MOOOON

HANA: -_-

{ECHO joined the chat}

ECHO: Hey guys!

PEANUT BUTTER: Everyone, meet Echo!

12PM: echo!! Good to hear from you

PEANUT BUTTER: Wait you two have met before?

12PM: ya remember my fight with ashe?

PEANUT BUTTER: Uh yeah?

TRACER: WELCOME!!! Im lena

ECHO: Oh I know who you all are :P I’m omnic after all!

ZENZEN: Welcome sister :>

BASTION: .... . .-.. .-.. --- :]

ECHO: Hello you two!  
Bastion, have you considered getting an upgraded communicator?

BASTION: -.-- . ... --..-- / -... ..- - / .. / .-.. .. -.- . / - .... .. ... / .- ... / .-- . .-.. .-.. :]

ECHO: Oh ok! I understand :D

I CAN HACK YOU: mmmmm fresh meat

ZENZEN: @ZARYA

ZARYA: sombra. no.

I CAN HACK YOU: >:/

BASTION: :p

ZENZEN: Let's keep things civil please :3

BAPTISTE: lol, i agree with that

TRACER: Do most of you just lerk on here while some of us talk?? @EVERYONE

RIENHARDT: I'M STILL FIXING MY COOKIES 

MEI: i don’t think they can be fixed…

ANAMAMMA: i only step in when need be

DAD76: I just ignore you all.

THEHOG: B-)

BEARDMAN: what was the pinging?

TRACER: no one ever talks here :/

HANA: we totally do!

I CAN HACK YOU: im always watching

HANA: uhh

BRIGETTE: :P im always here but i don’t know what to say

{LUCIO joined the group}

LUCIO: Hey guys, I’m back I guess…

TRACER: OMG LUCIO WHAT HAPPENED

HANA: OH SHIT LUCIO DON’T SCROLL UP

{LUCIO changed to LULU}

LULU: why?  
WHAT THE FUCK  
WHY

TRASH MOUSE: you guys suck ass

LULU: I hate to agree but yeah they kinda do

TRASH MOUSE: you know you love me

GREEN NINJA BOI: woah what the fuck guys XD thats creepy

PEANUT BUTTER: They made me do it… :( sorry.

TRACER: are we gonna ignore what junkrat just said????

HANA: WAIT WHAT LULU EXPLAIN

DAD76: ya’ll kids need to wash your mouths out with soap.

LULU: It’s a… long story...

FREE BIRD: we do have alllll night. Spill.da.tea  
Anyone noticing i want tea

TRASH MOUSE: >///<

HANA: luluuuuuuu tell ussssss

THEHOG: his blood pressure is really high

LULU: ugh fine. basically me and junkrat yelled a lot, he cried, i cried and after zenyatta left we kinda,,,,  
confessed i guess

ZENZEN: i'm glad you got that out of your systems… 

TRASH MOUSE: CONFESSED MY ASS YOU FUCKIN KISSED ME

12PM: SHIP IT!

TRASH MOUSE: UR FUCKIN TEARS GOT IN MY MOUTH YOU ASS

TRACER: AWWWWWWW CUTE

LULU: >//////<

I CAN HACK YOU: it really wasn’t that cute.

SYMMETRA: You all suck at communicating.

HANA: *ass

SYMMETRA: No.

12PM: but yes??

MAGICMERCY: ew

FREEBIRD: says you <3

MAGICMERCY: but like… its so unclean XD im a doctor i’ve SEEN things

HANA: … sorry?  
ANYWAY, so. Boombox is official now?

LULU: boom… what now?

HANA: ofuc

THEHOG: was always gonna happen… it was in the tags

TRACER: we _kinda_ placed bets as well. Speaking of which @GREENNINJABOI you owe me 10 bucks

GREEN NINJA BOI: fuck.

ZENZEN: lol XD

GREEN NINJA BOI: don’t laugh at me :<

DAD76: Language.

ECHO: You sure are a lively bunch.

DAD76: You can say that again.

BEARDMAN: It's tiring...

12PM: well i think its a hoot

HANDSOAP: you think everything is

12PM: i don’t think getting shot is a hoot..  
It’s a shoot

HANDSOAP: Oh for fuck’s sake.

GREEN NINJA BOI: omg kill me

HANDSOAP: I have once, I’ll do it again.

TRACER: oh no… not again

HANDSOAP: I’m joking. Obviously.

HANA: you,,, can joke??  
I have regrets.

HANDSOAP: Good.

MEI: its so late already oh my goodness

12PM: only 22 minutes till 11 damn

BRIGETTE: welp im going to bed. night

HANA: welp. midnight streaming time here we go!

ANAMAMMA: go to sleep

HANA: mmmmm nope

12PM: CAN I JOIN!

HANA: can you play cod?

LULU: I can!!!

HANA: I know that lulu, you can join if you want :>

TRASH MOUSE: cod? Like the fish?

HANA: COD, call of duty... the game

GREEN NINJA BOI: HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT COD ISSSS!!!!?????

TRASH MOUSE: i lived the the outback for like my whole life dude

GREEN NINJA BOI: oh yeah…

ZENZEN: you could come to our room to play if you’d like?

I CAN HACK YOU: our?? 

TRASH MOUSE: I have…. other plans, don’t I @LULU?

LULU: . . .dude

HANA: uhhh wtf

ANAMAMMA: hana dear I’ll tell you when you’re older

HANA: i’m 19… i know what they’re talking about it’s just…  
they confessed like an hour ago

MAGICMERCY: mmmm child is u

HANA: nnoooooooooo

FREEBIRD: yes. we adopt child

HANA: >:(

LULU: so… i’m gonna… go

TRACER: HAVE FUN LOVE

THEHOG: do i need to leave the room?

TRASH MOUSE: yes.

THEHOG: right then.

DAD76: Guys, half of you have a mission. Go. The. Fuck. To. Bed.

HANA: _Language?_

DAD76: Now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo I hope y'all enjoyed this! me and Im_Kuell_Gremlin have had this fic for ages but we finally found a good spot to actually finish a chapter XD
> 
> It'd mean a ton if you left a kudos or comment, and any feedback is very appreciated! We hope to continue this into the foreseeable future so be prepared for more shenanigans!


	2. get in the orca

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This goes literally no where but hey, character development amirite?

{6:45 am}

12PM: ya’ll ready for the mission?? I feel like shit.

DAD76: That's what you get for staying up late.

RIENHARDT: I FEEL FIT AS A FIDDLE!

ECHO: Good luck on your mission!

PEANUT BUTTER: Thanks! We might need it...

TRACER: ready to go loves??

12PM: kill me

GREEN NINJA BOI: good luck guys, i’ll be meeting you on the other side.

DAD76: Remember to use your coms when we hit the shores, and turn on the VPN.

HANDSOAP: your suffering amuses me.

LULU: wait we’re leaving now…?  
shit.

DAD76: Well, we are preparing to leave. And I still need to give a mission briefing.

LULU: uh… gimme 10 i gotta dry my hair

HANA: does that _really_ take only 10 mins tho?

LULU: uhh... no?

PEANUT BUTTER: my face hurts...

TRACER: why?

ECHO: That's what you get for sleeping on your desk.

TRACER: really winston? Again?

PEANUT BUTTER: It wasn't my fault!

12PM: is it gonna be cold where we’re goin’?

DAD76: We’re going to Greenland what do you think?

12PM: oh. ok.

REINHARDT: OH FUN

MAGICMERCY: better not come back frozen alive.  
I am not defrosting someone again after last time

TRACER: i promise that won’t happen again

LULU: OK I’M GOOD WE CAN GO NOW

ECHO: Again?

HANA: dude it’s been like 2 minutes

12PM: fuuuuuuuck

LULU: _blowdryers hana, blowdryers_

TRASHMOUSE: there’s water everywhere....

LULU: wait what

TRASHMOUSE: u didn’t clean up 

HANA: do those things even work on dreads tho?  
WHAT

LULU: well...

HANA: LUCIO CORREIA DOS SANTOS WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

LULU: AAAAAAAAAA FULL NAME, RUNNING TIME NOW. LETS LEAVE

HANA: OH NO YOU DON’T GET BACK HERE YOU BITCH

THEHOG: why is there water everywhere.

TRASHMOUSE: blame Lu, idk

I CAN HACK YOU: igh why is everyone messaging so early, gente loca

TRACER: wait a sec.. Lu? Are we at pet names already?!

ECHO: Pet names?? 

HANA: omg they’re at pet name stage already this is fucking cute

GREEN NINJA BOI: lucio what pet name did u give the junker?

LULU: Jamie :>

TRASHMOUSE: what?  
oh… oops

HANA: AWWWWW

TRACER: CUTEE!!

HANDSOAP: gross..

12PM: oh come on hanhan ;3 don’t be like that

HANDSOAP: jesse. no.

TRACER: WHAT?! JESSE?!?!?! NICE!!!

HANA: omg the ships are so real this is amazing

ZENZEN: Only in this universe though.

GREEN NINJA BOI: wdym zen?

ZENZEN: Nothing my sparrow :>

HANA: SALDJHASDJLHASDA

GREEN NINJA BOI: o////o MASTER!

ZENZEN: >u<

FREE BIRD: ah young love, so adorable

12PM: lol, never thought i’d see a flustered genji in my life

ANAMAMMA: Neither did i.  
Did you all pack lunch before you go?

PEANUT BUTTER: yep! Guess what i got

TRACER: peanut butter? XD

PEANUT BUTTER: NOPE! Sardines today :>

HANA: ewwww

DAD76: Ok, everyone to meeting room 2, briefing time.

TRACER: ROGER THAT!

FREE BIRD: guess we’re gonna push back that tea date huh :/

MAGICMERCY: we can have tea later, but for now, come back to bed with me  
Its cold

FREE BIRD: anything for you :>

GREEN NINJA BOI: GET A ROOOOOM

MAGICMERCY: i'm trying to ;)

GREEN NINJA BOI: ugh

TRACER: lol, there gonna be busy for a while XD

HANA: why..?

TRACER: its a lessbian thing dw about it

HANA: wait what?

BRIGITTE: why is everyone up so earlyyyy

GREEN NINJA BOI: we have a mission -_-

BRIGITTE: yeaaah, but like, more than just ppl on the mission are awake

HANA: idk people were up and i still haven’t slept soooooo

DAD76: Go to bed. That's an order.

HANA: mmmmmmmno

DAD76: Hana.  
Bed  
Now.

HANA: but daaaaddddddddd  
I don’t wannaaaaaaaa >:/

DAD76: I'm not your father. And you need sleep to be able to perform correctly as a human.

HANA: says who?

MAGICMERCY: Say’s me, now go to sleep or I'll sedate you.

LULU: just sleep hana. you don’t have any streams today it’s fine

HANA: ughhhhh fineee  
ur all meanies tho

I CAN HACK YOU: even me?

HANA: mmmm ok yeah you’re good

LULU: ok wait so all the people here suck except the literal _talon operative_?

BRIGITTE: who is everyone i cant read rn

TRACER: lol learn to read

BRIGITTE: nein

DAD76: Ok, Orca’s up, time to go.

TRACER: I’ll go get her revved up then :)

12PM: uhhhhfgffghj, im going to dieeeeeeee,  
i can’t go back to sleep once im awake so i cant sleep on the shuttle

REINHARDT: NO YOU WON’T! A LITTLE FIGHTING IS BOUND TO WAKE YOU UP!

12PM: ughhh no need to shout rein we can read

TRACER: I mean apparently brigitte can’t but ok

REINHARDT: THE LETTERS ARE TO SMALL

ANAMAMA: It’s ok dear, do what you need :)

REINHARDT: THANK YOU MY FLOWER <3

FREE BIRD: ew

BEARDMAN: ugh

LULU: get a roooom

GREEN NINJA BOI: lol he’s trying to 

FREE BIRD: OK GROSS SOTOP

TRASH MOUSE: sotop?? XD

FREE BIRD: you know what i meant. 

12PM: sotop

LULU: sotop

GREEN NINJA BOI: sotop

DAD76: time to leave, say your goodbye’s.

TRACER: SEEYA LOVEYSSS <3 <3 <3

BRIGITTE: sotop  
byeeeeeee

12PM: going dark, see you all in a few weeks

LULU: wait why? the mission is literally 2 days long...

12PM: you know it never go’s to plan.

LULU: ok true… but still

DAD76: shh. Get in the Orca

HANA: OMG YOU ADMIT THEY NEVER GO TO PLAN

GREEN NINJA BOI: _takes a screenshot_

DAD76: go to bed! You’re supposed to be asleep.

HANDSOAP: i will appreciate the quiet while it lasts.

MAGICMERCY: that's my line

HANDSOAP: Well, I’m glad we can agree on something then.

MAGICMERCY: thankyou.

RIENHARDT: ARE YOU READY MY FRIENDS? FOR ADVENTURE!

GREEN NINJA BOI: seeya.

LULU: SPEED BOOST WOOO!

TRASHMOUSE: good luck don’t die.

TRACER: I don’t need a speed boost love :P

LULU: REINHARDT DOES

REINHARDT: THANK YOU MY SMALL FRIEND!

LULU: hey.. Im not that short

TRASHMOUSE: you totally are

BEARDMAN: Im shorter

HANA: lulu’s shorter than me even XD

GREEN NINJA BOI: :o

LULU: you’re all meanies...

DAD76: Last call. Get on the orca or you’re not coming.

PEANUT BUTTER: see you all later.

LULU: Ok ok I’m coming!

ECHO: Good luck.

MEI: GOOD LUCK! Stay safe.

ZENZEN: May the Iris guide you along your path.  
And good luck my sparrow. ^-^

GREEN NINJA BOI: ^u^ thank you master

DAD76: GET ON THE FUCKING ORCA ALREADY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This next chapter is gonna be something... be prepared for more art from Im_Kuell_Gremlin, we have plans.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading again! Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


	3. UPDATE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's what's happening (NON FIC UPDATE)

This fic (as you can probably tell) is on hiatus, for personal reasons.

I don't know when the next chapter will be out, but don't keep your hopes up on this continuing at all.

I give my sincerest apologies to anyone who was enjoying this fic, I was enjoying writing it, but for a multitude of reasons, I'm putting it on hold for as long as is needed.


End file.
